While some people may only ever engage in rope bondage in the privacy of their homes, for others, rope community events are central to their practice. There are various types of rope events you can go to, from classes to rope jams, from online to in person. For those with less experience, it can be tricky to know which event to attend first, and it can be especially intimidating if you don’t know what to expect – or what's expected from you. Often informal and almost always fun, rope jams can be the perfect place to start if you’re a bondage beginner or simply new to the social side of rope. Read on to understand some of the rules, both spoken and unspoken, before you attend your first rope jam.
What is a rope jam? First, let’s elaborate on what a rope jam is and why people like to attend them. Rope jams, in general, are events where open tying is facilitated. People come to tie the kinds of rope they like, often with friends or partners. The tying tends to be unstructured, with people tying as and when they want to, mostly without guidance. In some communities, tying with lots of different people may be common; in others, people might be tying mostly in their set couples – this can vary a lot from place to place and group to group. Some rope jams have a class or peer rope section as part of the event, and some do not. If you’re a total beginner to rope, I highly recommend joining a rope event that has a beginner class as your first rope experience.
What happens at a rope jam? At rope jams you might see rope of all different levels and intensities, from cozy floor ties to elaborate suspensions, and from people tying themselves to couples to possibly even group tying sessions. Depending on the rules of the specific event, there might be people in various states of undress or enjoying more sexual kinds of rope too. Some people seek out painful rope or emotional rope. If you feel uncomfortable with any of these ideas, it’s a good idea to check with the specific event organizer about the rules and general mood of their rope jams.
Illustrator: Corey Kraft What do you wear to a rope jam? The most important thing is to wear something that makes you feel comfortable. Athletic wear or other styles of clothing that don’t restrict movement are often ideal for tying and being tied in, while clothing that restricts movement, like corsets with boning or even tight jeans, can make doing rope more challenging. If the specific rope jam you’re going to emphasizes practice time, you’re likely to see folks in more casual clothing. If the rope jam is advertising itself as a place where play is encouraged, then something that makes you feel comfortable and sexy or playful is likely to be a welcome choice. Take note, too, of whether or not the event has any rules regarding nudity. Lots of event listings will be descriptive about what sort of attire is acceptable.
Tips for a successful rope jam Rope jams, like many kink events, have rules or guidelines intended to create safer spaces and more fulfilling experiences for all involved. Some might be made explicit by the event organizer, while others may be unspoken but common practices. While rules can vary from space to space and group to group, the following nine recommendations are likely to apply 99.9 percent of the time.
1. Read the event rules outlined by the organizer The first piece of information you have about an event is often an outline of the rules shared by the organizer. These lists of rules might be extensive, though they tend to have some grace for newcomers. However, be aware that if you break the rules of an event, you might not be allowed to come back. These rules will likely include some things about nudity, photography, consent practices and more.
2. Understand who the event is for Some rope events cater only to specific groups. For example, some rope jams are only for LGBTQIA+ people, some are specifically for people of color, and some are only for female tops and their bottoms. Specialized groups are a way for people to make safer spaces for themselves, and it’s important to respect that. If you fall into the specific group an event is tailored for, of course you’re welcome to attend. If you don’t, why not attend a more generic rope jam instead?
3. Don’t interrupt people while they're tying In the kink scene, we like to have what’s called a ‘scene bubble’; this is a kind of personal space for play. In a scene bubble, people in the scene are paying attention to each other, being present in the rope they are doing, and they most likely don’t want to be interrupted by others. Understandably then, it’s considered more respectful to not talk to people or try to get their attention while they are tying. You might be curious about what’s going on or worried about someone’s safety – in those cases, first talk to a staff member rather than the people in the scene. Remember too that solo scenes are still scenes, and it’s just as important to give people who self-tie the space and respect you might give to couples.
Illustrator: Corey Kaft | Reference: Knotsnacks 4. Don’t take photos without explicit consent… …and that means even of the people in the background! A lot of events allow people to take pictures of their own rope work (with caveats to avoid capturing people in the background of photos). However, it’s not a good idea to start taking pictures of people in rope if you haven’t asked them first, since that means you don’t have their consent. If you’re not sure, don’t take photos at all.
5. Don’t touch people’s things without their consent You wouldn’t touch anyone else’s personal belongings at the gym, right? At a rope jam, the same thinking should apply to other people’s rope as well as any other possessions they might have with them. Plus, you don’t know what someone’s ropes or toys have been used for previously. It’s better – both in terms of consent, and just plain hygiene – not to touch other people’s things at a rope jam.
6. Don’t make excessive noise A lot of rope jams have a social area where people can relax and chit-chat between ties. Since other people will probably be having rope scenes simultaneously, the social area ought to not be too loud and distracting. It can also be easy to want to marvel at and comment on the rope scenes that are happening around you. Try not to comment loudly though, even if you have a lot of compliments to share, because a lot of time the people tying can still hear you and your comments may be more distracting than welcome.
7. Don’t hog the space Rope events tend to have limited space and quite a few people wanting to tie. This means when you’re finished tying, it’s polite to move to the side to make space for others to tie. Another element of not hogging the space is also being reasonable about the length of your scenes – perhaps the most crowded rope jam of the year is not the best time to do that four-hour extended bondage scene you’ve been dreaming about. It’s also good to make sure your belongings are kept out of the way, so they don’t take up too much space.
8. Don’t rush someone’s scene Similar to the above, while it’s always good to be considerate about the amount of time and space you use, don’t interrupt people’s aftercare so you can jump into the spot they were using. Some people take time to come back to themselves after rope, and it can be a lot for them if you are bounding up energetically to chat or rush them along. Your catch-up can probably wait! Similarly, if your favorite rope teacher just finished an intense scene, try not to ask them for help immediately – most people feel at least a little tired after doing rope.
9. Have respect and have fun! Rope jams are often filled with cool and kinky people – you might even be one of them – so have fun! Most of the rules and etiquette points in rope jams are really just about being respectful of people, space and belongings. If you don’t remember all the rules or you’re unsure about something, just try to be respectful and people will be a lot happier to point you in the right direction.
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